But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
someone owes me an orgasm
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
