You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
