i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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