don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
