oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
