Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
