I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
