left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
