Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
