RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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