he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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