haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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