you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
