Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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