I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.