things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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