I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt