if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
