i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes