2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth