His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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