Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
