Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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