there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
