My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
