Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
