the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
