I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
