Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
