it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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