Who wears a wallet chain?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it because I queefed?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
