wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
