ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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