only you would photoshop your dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize