Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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