This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
