dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
