I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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