I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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