I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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