He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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