i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
cat food counts as protein by the way
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How external is "for external use only"?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
