I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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