haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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