so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we should paint friendship bongs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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