I am in a vortex of obligation.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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