I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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