my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
