I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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