and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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