Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
