you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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