I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
