everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
