I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the condom got lost in my hair
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the day after is always just damage control
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am one with the molecules
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
