I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
