you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
