who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
