I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
