P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
