If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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