He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
